I’m not exaggerating about the nut warning; they actually put warnings on cans of nuts. What’s funnier is that the warning varies from can to can: some cans of nuts say the container does have nuts inside, while other warning labels just say that the can of nuts may contain nuts. As if there’s a chance that buying a can of nuts may result in you owning a can that contains pixie dust or flowers or something. I can’t imagine how disappointed someone would be to buy a can of nuts, only to get home and find an empty container.

Then again, I can’t imagine anyone with a nut allergy delusional enough to buy a can of nuts. It’s like they’re playing a modified game of Russian roulette with a sealed can of cashews.